What I'm Thinking About Today ...

It would be safe to say that a majority of the population regularly spends some time on ‘social media.’ There are so many platforms and ‘spaces’ that one could waste every minute of every day just scrolling through them. Starting with the most basic text-only ‘bulletin boards’ from the early 1990s, we’ve come a long, long way in an effort to connect with each other. But are we, really?

I spend far more time on Nextdoor (a local-neighborhood social media site) than I probably should. I have encountered some nice people on there that I really enjoy interacting with – and I’ve run into a few that are best left unapproached. One thing I can say for sure is that the Internet has enabled people to do away with things like humility, shame, and self-control, and I’m not sure it has all been for the better. (I seriously think that if Sir Tim Berners-Lee really considered how his invention is being used, he’d hang himself in shame.)

Anyway, Nextdoor is a wonderful little microcosm for the antics prevalent in the greater World Wide Web. It’s a great place to hang out and witness every sort of emotion and expression, from the most innocent of joys to the naughtiest of postings, with lots of anger, insults, and epithets thrown in for good measure. People seem to have lost the ability to have meaningful and intelligent dialogues without letting their (usually negative) emotions get in the way. So it’s never a surprise to me to find myself on the receiving end when it comes to insults being hurled. I think if I were a true masochist, I’d spend my whole day online.

One facet of this drives me particularly crazy: the idea that because one may be relatively ‘anonymous,’ one need not take responsibility for one’s words or actions. Consider this instance: a recent ‘discussion’ focused on the issue of a ‘new school bond’ for the local school district. The people on ND who support the bond measure (e.g., mostly parents) have been loudly demanding that everyone in the community approve it, whereas those who oppose it have rather strong reasons for not approving it. Those that have publicly opposed it have provided statistics, links, and support for the arguments they have made against it. Those that support it have quarreled against all evidence provided, and have instead resorted to putting their hands over their ears and shouting, “La-la-la-la … I’m not listening to you!”  (Figuratively, at least.)

(Politically, I am a moderate – though I do lean a bit to the right fiscally and meritoriously; money is always an issue that needs to be handled carefully, and the most qualified people need to be the ones chosen for positions within government and other establishments. I don’t adhere to any specific political dogma. The most important consideration to me is fairness in any issue, with a humanitarian bent. This makes it virtually impossible for me to be loyal to any political party.)

So, I generally remain impartial in these arguments until I’ve read whatever background material I can find from both sides. I will then, with an abundance of caution, suggest a possible outlook or consideration that takes into account both sides, giving what I hope is a reasonable balanced argument. (That approach has worked for me nearly… actually, it has not worked at all.) So therein lies the rub: there are no good sides to take.

I happened to mention that I found most of the comments too emotionally biased. I mentioned that finances are getting more challenging, and perhaps there are people who simply cannot handle another increase, no matter how slight. I was met with a barrage of insults and accusations. One person suggested that I must hate children. Another offered the idea that if I thought the new levy was excessive, perhaps I should sell my house, because the children are more important. A third person questioned my intelligence and my education level (I wanted to retort that I had more education than just about everyone who had chimed in put together, but knew I’d be opening myself up for a full-frontal assault). 

I’ve now dealt with several interactions of this nature, and although I am always respectful and adhere to the ‘rules’ concerning posts and comments, I notice that very few others are inclined to do so. I also faced similar difficulties by simply defending someone from others’ slings and arrows. I have a few friends on Nextdoor, many who post interesting memes or news articles that they want to share, some who post pictures of their pets or their gardens, and some who like sharing jokes or comics. (There is a particular gentleman who would most likely come to my defense if he saw some of the posted interactions, but it’s not my style to stir up angst between people. Fortunately, we don’t seem to focus on the same topics.) 

Interestingly, I have had similar experiences on several other platforms. A simple comment I posted in the Comments section of a news story about the most recent presidential elections (in which I stated that I had some doubts about the veracity of a certain poll prompted people to, again, question my intelligence and my education level (with one referring to me as a ‘half-eaten bag of moldy potato chips’), leaving me with the impression that most, if not all, social media is now (and maybe always has been) toxic. I recall the many interactions I had at one point on Facebook, before the 2016 elections, when people I had known for years urged anyone who ‘would even consider voting for {our current president} to ‘unfriend’ them immediately, as they were not interested in someone who, in their estimation, was ‘probably a fascist, a nazi, a white supremacist, a homophobe, a transphobe, a xenophobe,’ or what have you, if they refused to publicly and repeatedly denounce that candidate. I lost a lot of friends because I would not engage in that way. The art of intelligent and respectful debate was suddenly lost. Funny thing is, I didn’t turn my back on anyone I cared about, no matter who they voted for or why. 

People seem to seek out ways to vent their full frustrations on others, to blame and accuse, to denigrate and belittle, to injure and destroy. The most random of thoughts become fodder for the ever-present acid-spitters, who are more than happy to take down whomever they feel is not fitting their preconceived notions. And of course, there are people who are just so nasty and unhappy in their own lives that they cannot bear the idea that others might be happier (or indeed nicer), and so they must find a way to cut them down. 

Yikes.

I’ve been interacting with people online since there was an ‘online:’ I remember way back in 1993 a then-boyfriend’s excitement as he and his fellow computer-science ‘nerds’ began communicating through these complex new ‘processes’ that allowed people from all over the world to connect with each other in real time. For about a decade, the Internet was a vast source of creativity and connection and color, and it really was wonderful. But all good things must end. 

We’re not all meant to be part of that. I know for certain I am not. I’ve been telling my brother for years now of my distress over all the negativity I encounter online. I’ve told him about all the slurs, the insults I’ve endured, the threats. I’ve related to him conversations and threads that have suddenly gone off the rails, of misunderstood comments that have spurred arguments, of the constant need to find fault with others. He has listened patiently and has made suggestions as to how I can better handle the harsher interactions. He has also pointed out that it is within my control to simply stop all of this by not participating. 

I like my little corner of the Web. I like jotting down my thoughts and sharing them with the few people who stumble onto my site. I like showing off my brother’s artwork. And I hope my thoughts create at least a few sympathetic resonances in the people who read my words. As for the rest, I leave that all to the young and foolish, to the masochists and the drama queens, and to those who need all the attention they can get. 

I have kinder, sweeter things to do.